Couples

The Rough with the Smooth

If you are new to the podcast, please check out the 1st podcast to learn what the Pert Plan is about. 

I will spend 5-10 minutes today chit chatting about various topics. Ultimately, The Pert Plan is an acronym for thinking about things that are PERT - pure, excellent, right, true….and PLAN stands for praiseworthy, lovely, admirable, and noble. 

Let’s start our day off with a cheesy joke from quickfunnyjokes.com

Q: How do snails fight? 

A: They slug it out. 

Ok, I love cheesy jokes. Always have. Just bear with me if you don’t like that kind of humor. Are you thinking, “Surely, you can be serious?” Well, I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. da dum dum. If you are too young to know that quote, go watch the comedy “Airplane” - one of my faves. 

This admittedly cheesy joke made me think about how we sometimes slug it out with those we are in relationships with. 

A recent relationship that I was intrigued with was Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. The 2nd season of The Crown premiered in December and I was feeling a little under the weather for a few days and that is the perfect time to binge on Netflix, right? I was successful in completing the viewing of this series. There was one scene that I would like to quote and I don’t think it is going to spoil anything for you if you haven’t seen the series and/or don’t care if you ever do see the series! 

This was a quote from Prince Philip at their 10 year anniversary dinner. Now, I don’t know if he actually said this in real life but I think we can benefit from it either way.

Philip said (after being married for 10 years) that after this time “one sees the whole of the other person. You see even the part of them that they don’t see themselves. And presumably —they see the hidden part of you. One ends up knowing more about one’s partner than they know about themselves. And it can be pretty tough to keep quiet about it. So you have to come to an accommodation, an arrangement, a deal (if you like) to take the rough with the smooth. But the extraordinary thing is that down there in the rough, in the long reeds of difficulty and pain, that is where you find the treasure.”

Wow, when I watched this episode and heard these words, let me tell you what was also going on - I also read the words because I love having closed captioning on. Do you do that? Probably not! I haven’t found many people that do but I am comfortable enough in my idiosyncrasies to not really care what anybody else thinks about this topic. I think it is like reading a book while watching a movie. I even like youtube videos that have the words. If you have noises going on in your household and you are trying to watch a movie, it’s very frustrating if you miss something. I don’t even like going to the movie theatre anymore because they don’t have closed captioning. Thankfully all my family members have been accommodating with me and they don’t even complain when I ask, “Is the closed captioning for the deaf and hearing impaired on?” hahaha yep, that’s me! (No offense to the deaf and the hard of hearing - GrandDaddy- I know closed captioning is necessary for them!) 

Ok, so maybe Philip’s words really stood out because I heard them and read them, but nonetheless, he was being very honest about what it is like to be in a lengthy relationship with another. Whether that is your spouse, a family member or a friend. You see the frustrating parts of them and you want to point it out to them! You realize they may see something irritating in you but that’s a topic for another day. He says that you come to a deal, whether in your head or with them to take the good and the bad. The rough with the smooth. 

Have you had to do that with someone? We all have expectations of others and what that relationship should be or could be. And then reality hits us upside the head. Prince Philip is encouraging us that in this place of difficulty and pain, the place where you set aside your expectations - you find the treasure. Now he doesn’t elaborate on what that treasure looks like - and Queen Elizabeth definitely has some literal treasures that we will never have in our life. But, I think that those treasures could be a deeper love for the other person, a thankfulness for what good qualities they do have, and gratitude for the things that they overlook in your own behavior or attitude. 

Have you had someone in your life for a lengthy time period? Have you found that it is worth it? I hope so. If you don’t have a relationship like that, I encourage you today to identify someone that is in your life that you may want to spend a little extra time in nurturing that relationship. If you don’t have anyone, keep an eye out for them! You never know when they may show up. 

If you are married and you are already making a list of things that irk the heck out of you and you want to yell it to them at the top of your lungs - what if today you shut your mouth. Said the opposite - said something encouraging today. What if you replaced that criticism (although seemingly constructive) with a compliment? An encouraging word? Think about trying it. Let me know how that goes. And if you are in a relationship that you are viewing as a treasure, let that other person know that. Today. 

(Guided deep breathing on Podcast.)